This place definitely calls for an SIV type review. Details are lacking.
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If Vespertine really has a no photo policy, at least time Kahn won’t be able to take SIV’s picture when he throws her out!
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lol this is true.
omg if she came back just for this it would be GREAT
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Unless one Adam Fleischman is in da house!
Lol, I didn’t think about that until after I posted. Was mostly thinking because her reviews really walked you through eating at a place front to back from decor, to service and food. Need something like that to cut through the marketing speak that seems to surround this place.
But yes, it would be amusing for that reason too. 
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One five star review:
“This review is very complicated as is the rating. I have various opinions about the food and the experience but I do not want too give this place lower than 5 stars because it’s trying to do something that can’t be rated. This place shouldn’t be reviewed as a restaurant because it’s not a restaurant, it’s a different experience that is highly subjective and unorthodox that will vary greatly from person to person. Personally I don’t think this food type is for me but the drinks and ambiance are very nice. I don’t want to spoil it because even though I’m not their number one fan I still have respect for the concept.”
And finally, a one star review:
“My brains just feel scrambled. I can’t wrap my head around it. But I feel quite unsure of myself.”
Sounds yummy!
Well, it sounds like that fact that many are lost for words to discuss the food is telling in itself.
Here is the first “professional” review I’ve seen:
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Before long you’re ushered into the main dining room below. It’s a regrettable arrangement, the eight booths clustered too close together and facing inward in a panopticon that minimizes privacy, views and general serenity while maximizing the opportunity to hear the folks at the next table loudly holding forth on, in turn, the science of human life extension, how this experience compares to Alinea and the financing hassles they are experiencing on their current film project. To the austere music, the young servers glide around in goth-tribal-hypebeast attire, sweet yet pinched in their performative formality, fussy in their cool detachment as they pour water from pitchers that look like 25th century shofars and proffer dishes with occasional Mona Lisa smiles and gnomically brief identifiers (“macrocystis pyrifera,” employing the scientific term for kelp for a sea-centered plating).
yeezus.
and then I almost died here:
THE BOTTOM LINE Polarizing, ambitious, stumbling haute cuisine for melancholy aesthetes
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The booths face inward? I’m laughing.
Every time I see that building from a certain angle, it looks like the bottom part is a bulging belly about to explode with an Alien baby. Maybe that’s what the spaceship metaphor is meant to invoke. Who knows?
Not I.
I may have to change my FTC moniker after dining here. I am hoping for a celeb sighting, though: Dieter from “Sprockets” at the table next to mine.
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does the author of the piece realize the irony in what he is typing
whilst evaluating said restaurant?
or was this article, like a wine pairing, meant to match and/or enhance
the cuisine/atmosphere/service/clientele? ‘cos brother, it’s freakin’
bang on.
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That was my impression.
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Wow. I wonder how much that entire buildout cost.
I get melancholic just thinking about that, too.
Where’s the non-centrifugal artificial gravity field generator installed?
Next to where they store the dilithium crystals, of course. Look for the thermal exhaust port the size of a wampa rat.
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“Two thieves walked into a bar, they stole it.”
Is there a restaurant equivalent ?
Let me try:
Two customers walk into Vespertine.
Bartender asks: “Is this a joke?”