Worst restaurant names of all time


SF critic Michael Bauer’s 30th job anniversary reminiscence reminded me of perhaps the worst restaurant name ever: Oritalia. It was a portmanteau of oriental and Italian, but, well.

Another horrible one: Conduit. It was, incredibly, an honest description of the primary design element, but still.

Other candidates?


The double entendre of Squat & Gobble is deliberate, but still.




After your bad sushi, how about some old clams?


There used to be a wine bar, in Redlands, CA, called The Dregs. I have no idea why the owner chose that name.

There’s also a Vietnamese place near me called Pho King Way, but that’s another thing entirely.


Off the top of my head…

  • Here’s Looking at You

  • Stoic & Genuine

  • Solidarity

  • Luv2Eat (so bad it’s good)


I’d check out The Dregs. Sounds like a dive wine bar.

There was a delivery place in Berkeley called Pho Me Now.


We have a Pho King near us. And 2 Die 4 Sushi. Not a place I want to try based on the name alone.


Omg, I’ve been wondering why no one mentioned those ridiculous names in their glowing reviews of Luv2Eat and Here’s Looking at You. It makes me cringe just to write that, I can’t ever imagine suggesting to someone, “Hey, want to check out Here’s Looking… ummm, never mind.”


Luv2Eat is a goofy name but they’re not native English speakers so to me that’s part of its charm, like Oakland’s Taqueria El Paisa@.com.


Phuc Yu Tu

Wrench & Rodent

Crabby Dick’s

Fu King


Myung Dong

Young Dong

Yung Ho


For many years there was a place in San Francisco called Fuku-Sushi, though that’s still better than BAD Sushi.


They’re gettin’ right to the point here.


Talk about a double-entendre


My son’s roommate told me the other day he was in search of a triple-entendre. I asked him to text me when he finds one…




The Squat and Gobble (I and II) in SF were, last I was there, perfectly good breakfasty cafe type places. Granted, last I was there was probably 15 years ago, and I’m sure the clientele hasn’t improved.

There’s a place in Chicago in Ukranian Villiage called Takee Outee, which serves standard drunk/stoned 3am chinese food, heavy on the grease and msg and mystery asian disguise sauce. A little googling shows that the name, or variations on it, are pretty common.

I’m surprised that the name has survived. Certainly no one would name a new place like that, anymore than you’d find a “No tickee no washee” laundry service.

Then there’s names that are just flat out WRONG, specifically

the Nice Vice Creamery in Vancouver, which proclaims itself 100% dairy free, and always makes me die a little inside when I walk past it.


Hilarious. Good ones.


Probably a translation thing, but I saw a photo some years back of a “Restaurant Zur Puke”.