Thanks for all the suggestions!
My original plan last night was to go to The Apple Pan, having only been there once before (and that was before I gained my current appreciation for food). As I approached the Westside Pavilion, my appetite for walking fell to such critically low levels that I decided I'd simply try the Westside Tavern instead. Alas, they were hosting a private event.
To The Apple Pan!
There were plenty of open seats when I got there, but I must've gotten there just before the evening rush, because by the time I stood up, the place was packed with people waiting for seats. The hickory burger was tasty, in a very "fundamental representation of a fast-food burger" kind of way. The fries were also pretty good (and were one of the few examples that I felt actually had synergy with ketchup, which I normally disdain). The strawberry pie, unfortunately, was catastrophic. I guess I should've stuck to the apple, but I was pretty sure it wouldn't beat the last example I'd had, so I wanted to try something else. That said, the large, whole, unripe strawberries, enveloped in a flavorless, sugary "strawberry sauce" did not resemble a pie in the slightest. The crust was so thin it was difficult to tell what the texture was supposed to be. The only thing that went right with this "pie" was the cream on top, which was admirably light and not too sweet (though, given the state of the strawberries, the pie probably could've used some more sweetness).
This is about the time when I found out they don't accept credit cards. There were, as far as I could tell, no signs to this effect anywhere in the restaurant. I left my ID with the gentleman who took my order, served my food, and calculated my bill to walk across the street to the Wells Fargo ATM.
After tip and tax, the total damage was $24. (Take away that disaster of a pie and it becomes something like $15.) Would I pay $15 for that burger and fries again? Probably not. I don't know if it's Westside rents or just cashing in on their fame, but $8.10 for a small fast-food style burger is the kind of thing that would get anybody else laughed out of town. Leaving aside the issue that the fries ought to be a complement to my meal, not a necessity if I want to feel full, I could get a larger burger, fries, and a drink at In-n-Out for less money (and it would taste better).
I won't say I regret coming here, exactly, but I'll be trying out the other suggestions before I even think of coming back